Finding My Voice

Finding My Voice & Facing My Fears
My First Year in Conjuring by Brendi Mora

When measuring the length of time a person has practiced the art of magic, many say they started when they were 8-ish years old. Not this magician, I was 44 years old, I am 48 now and a relative “baby” in the grand scheme of unnecessary comparison. An even more confounding situation is that I am a magician who is relatively scared of people – well, failing in front of people. So why would a relatively new to the world of magic who scared of people magician sign up for the Conjuring workshop? I was determined to face my fears in the most forward-facing way imaginable – by jumping into the deep end. It was the best decision I have ever made.

I read the course outline, packed my magic kit and away I went. I arrived in Sigtuna scared to death and more excited than I have ever been.
The first morning my group, “Conjuring A”, gathered and we were off to the races. I had no time to overthink, to compare myself to magicians who clearly were more skilled than me or find excuses about why “I can’t” do a particular exercise.

What I was about to find out was, I didn’t need to count myself out. The workshop fosters an environment of collaboration, of support and of community. These were the things I needed to face my fears, and I began to do that with the encouragement and support of my group. I trusted them enough to trust myself. That is a rare gift, and it is a gift I noticed running through every level of the workshop. When all the groups came together in community, especially at Fika – which must always be respected, we were all the same, no one better, no one less, all equal.

Every day was a building on why certain techniques in performing magic are important and helpful, why stage presence matters, and the chance to make our own flap boxes in woodshop. At night, we had magic jams, discussion groups and walks to the lake. We worked through frustrations in the material we were working on, we gave each other insight into what may or may not work. We all had to perform on our last day, in front of the other students. Before the workshop, it would have been my undoing. I chose to perform the trick that I performed at my first audition for Magician Membership at the Academy of Magical Arts (Magic Castle) which spectacularly failed. Using the techniques from Tom, the stage and acting direction from Leif and the courage I grew into all week, I performed that trick…and was redeemed. It was life changing for me, truly.

I did not allow myself to have a voice before this workshop, but I found my voice and know it matters, I was scared before the workshop and in it, I found strength and courage. I am very excited to return next year.